


In a Way, It’s Inside Out

by CyrusBreeze



Series: Paths They Choose Verse [1]
Category: Black Widow - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Backstory, Forced Pregnancy, No Beta, Other, Semi Graphic depiction of child birth, The Red Room, mentions of child abuse, we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 02:09:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13261389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyrusBreeze/pseuds/CyrusBreeze
Summary: “Red, of course, is the color of the interior of our bodies. In a way, it’s inside out, red.”Anish Kapoor.OrThe one where we expose the backstory of Natasha’s life in the Red Room.





	In a Way, It’s Inside Out

**Author's Note:**

> This is wholly unedited and has been sitting in my google docs for forever. If you want to skip the birth scene, go to the first “-X”

She goes into labor on a cold snowy day in late October.

The contractions start when they're in the shooting range before breakfast, and Natalia cannot tell whether or not they are the real thing. She doesn't tell Madam, not yet, she need to wait and see if she progresses any further. By the end of lunch, she's in so much pain with each contraction that she's struggling to breathe. 

She's terrified to tell Madame. She knows that Alina went to give birth a week ago and she never came back. She knows that Darya went into labor almost a month ago only to have the child die seconds after being born.

They place her in a small, private room with a mat, a tub, a clock, and some fruit, ice, and water. 

The clocks read 14:33pm, and Natalia begins to pace, slowly back and forth, bracing herself for each contraction and then continuing to pace. 

Her water finally breaks at 7 o'clock, and she takes a break from the pacing to rest in the tub. 

The pain is intense, and it doesn’t subside, but it’s 23:47 when Natali feels a head. It’s fuzzy, and it feels surreal. She squats and pushes again, feeling the baby’s head completely into her hands. She carefully wipes off the baby’s nose and mouth and then suddenly the baby is crying ever so softly. It’s only three more pushes and the baby is out, and she’s howling, and Natalia is crying too: for she has never seen anything so beautifully in her life.

 

-X-

She is small and red faced with pale blue eyes and a small patch of fuzzy strawberry blonde hair. Madame sets the baby on Natalia's stomach, and Natalia watches in perfect awe as the tiny infant slowly crawls her way up Natalia’s stomach to find her breast. 

Madame smiles at this. "Humans are pure instinct," she explains. "And at the helm of that instinct is the instinct to survive."

Natalia stares at her daughter. She's small and fragile and her eyes are closed as she gently nuzzles at Natalia’s breasts. There's a feeling that washes over her, something like love and the desire to protect, but Natalia can't really discern it. Instead, she stares at the child, silently counting the child's fingers and toes. 

Her daughter is perfect. 

Petrovich comes in hours later, after Natalia is up and walking around, gently singing to her daughter. 

Petrovich gently urges Natalia to give over her daughter and then he cradles the newborn in his arms. 

"Morana," he says. "That is her name, for she will one day harness the power of death." 

Petrovich stands there, staring at the newborn, Morana. It doesn't fit the little one, Natalia thinks, but she nods regardless. 

The baby begins to fuss, quiet but sharp and clear. 

"She's hungry," Natalia says, shifting slightly. She tries not to let it grate on her nerves that Petrovich is holding her daughter. 

Petrovich shifts the baby in his hands but he does not return her to Natalia. Instead, he gently rocks the child. "мой ребенок," says to the newborn in his arms. "мой ребенок, you shall one day harness the power of death."

-X- 

She rarely sees the girl after she’s born. Just twice a week, enough to promote biological attachment and to prevent the disorders that were common in babies that didn’t receive enough love. While Madame and Petrovich were cruel, neither of them were willing to risk their experiment. 

The competition between the girls becomes increasingly more fierce. There's more bloodshed and violence. 

Natalia makes her first kill on an unusually warm winter day. It marks only the second death of a girl in the program. The girls are practicing outside because of the warmth, and Natalia and Tatiana are in the heat of a vicious battle. Natalia is covered in bruises and scrapes, and the fight has lasted for hours with neither girl gaining the upper hand. 

Finally, when Tatiana reaches an arm across Natalia's chest, she uses the movement in to pull Tatiana forward. Tatiana hits the concrete ground with an impossibly hard thud, and there's a satisfying snap and then it's over. Tatiana doesn't move, and Natalia drops to her knees to check Tatiana's pulse. It is slow and steady. 

She stares a long moment. The instructors wait, watching. 

"My back is broken," whispers Tatiana. "I can feel it." 

Natalia doesn't know what to say. 

"Kill me," Tatiana says. 

Natalia is quiet. 

"Please," Tatiana begs. "Please, I can't live like this. I'm useless." 

Natalia nods numbly, and then she grabs Tatiana's head into her arms and slowly, carefully twists until she hears a pop. 

It doesn't feel as terrible as she thought it would. 

-X-

Late that night, before bed, Petrovich comes into the room. 

"Natalia," he says. "Come with me."

Natalia doesn't let herself feel anything, instead she stands and follows Petrovich. 

"You did well, today," he says after they've left the room.

Natalia nods. 

"I have a surprise for you," Petrovich says. 

She follows him quietly down the stairs, down another hallway, and through a series of locked doors until they are finally in a room with a two way mirror. They can clearly see into the other room through their side, and there is a small girl playing at a piano. It takes Natalia a moment to register that the small girl is Надеждa. Her hair is longer, much longer, and it's a dark, muddy red. 

Natalia stares as her daughter plays the piano. 

"She learned it on her own," Petrovich says. "She's a very smart girl."

Natalia listens closely. The sounds of Mozart's Melody drift through the wall. 

"She'll get better with age," Petrovich says. "But she's already well advanced for her age. Morana is already reading in English and Russian. She has surpassed her peers in all subjects, and she is a true measure of success of our newest program."

Надежда's song ends, and she begins another one. 

"Morana will have no use for childlike training," Petrovich continues. "She is smart, and in a few years she will be a valuable field asset. Would you like to train her?" He asks. 

Natalia nods slowly, careful not to appear too eager. 

Petrovich places a hand on the small of Natalia's back. He begins to rub slowly. 

"I trust that you'll cooperate in order to train Morana, am I correct?" He asks. 

Natalia notes the implications behind his words, and she stands up straighter and nods. "Yes," she says. "Yes, I will cooperate to be able to train Morana."

 

(She will one day realize that it is this day that ignites a small spark of dissent in her belly that will one day grow into a fire of rebellion.)

-X-

It three years later when she finds herself pregnant again. There's panic and anger in every vein of her body. 

They find out at a health briefing, only hours before a mission to Hungary. 

She's barely four weeks along, and there's talk a heated argument about the pregnancy. Petrovich argues in favor of keeping the pregnancy, and Natalia knows that it has little to with what Natalia wants and everything to do with the fact that the fetus is his. 

They argue for fifteen minutes, where Natalia waits quietly, trying to figure out if she even wants this. She thinks that maybe she doesn’t, not like this. 

Finally, after a long discussion, Madame returns to the room with Petrovich. Petrovich looks irritated, but he doesn't look angry, which is a sign. 

“There is a new development on the mission in Hungary,” Madame says. “The target is Clint Barton, codename: Hawkeye. He currently works for SHIELD in the US. Hawkeye has been known to have a weakness for children. He was unable to complete a mission in Kunduz, due to the target being a small child with a bomb. We will use this to our advantage. We feel that Morana is ready for field work. Morana will expose him and lead him to you, or she may make the kill herself if she pleases.”

Natalia does not flinch at this; instead, she nods. 

Petrovich steps forward and grabs a vial from his pocket. He motions for the doctor to inject the contents into Natalia’s arm. 

Natalia doesn't say a word as the doctor presses the syringe into the crook of her elbow.

“The serum will keep the child strong,” Petrovich says. 

“And what of the fetus?” Natalia says directly to Madame, ignoring Petrovich’s remark. 

“If it can survive this mission,” Madame says. “It can live.”


End file.
